This is a post where I acknowledge to have begun writing with no idea in mind about what I want to write about. Usually, I begin with a title in mind and then build on the idea, but its going to be the reverse this time. For quite sometime I have been telling myself that I need to post something, but I guess I just get too worked up thinking that I need 'something' to write about. Two years of this place should actually have equipped me to carry off 'nothing substantial' as 'something substantial'. The regular crib of being busy and a hectic life keeping me from posting is still valid. I still have to finish reading a case for the meeting at 2, do some independent research, clean my room, work on my resume and of course in the background attend classes and all sorts of group meetings. Now that I have spoken about all the things that are supposed to keep me away from blogging, another one might be that I am unsure about whether some of my thoughts should go on the public domain, compounded by the fact that I am not at my imaginative best.
It is interesting how we often tend to see things the way we would like them to be rather than the way they really are. I am all up for eternal optimism and its positive fallouts, but times when naive optimism gets really disconnected with reality is when one should start worrying. But of course, one is just too naive or just is too illusioned with what he or she wants to see to start worrying at the right time. People who consider themselves as realists, rational and pragmatic in reality do not completely know themselves but think they do. Rationality is a farce. We are not rational most of the times. Its a super simplified assumption economists make so that they can devise theories, feel great about themselves and win Nobel Prizes. Not to say it doesn't have its benefits, but its limitations are far more understated.
At the end of it all, there is often a feeling of 'How stupid could I have been', 'Shouldn't I have known', 'The signs were so obvious all the time', "I was such an idiot' and to think that one considered himself mature just makes you laugh at yourself. However, from such realization comes a learning experience that has few or no parallels. How vulnerable we really are or rather how much of a tendency we have to make ourselves extremely vulnerable is a surprising revelation indeed. Unsure of whether what I have written would make sense to anyone, I would usually make an attempt to make things clearer, but not this time. I would rather leave a disclaimer on the lines of 'Everyone is free to make their own assumptions which might or might not be verified by the author depending upon his mood' :D
Cheers,
Anand
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